Is your relationship healthy?
Everyone deserves to be in a safe and healthy relationship. Do you know if your relationship is healthy?
Answer yes or no to the following questions to find out.
| Statement | Yes | No | Score |
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Your partner is very supportive of the things that you do. |
Yes = 0 No = 1 |
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Your partner encourages you to try new things. |
Yes = 0 No = 1 |
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|
Your partner likes to listen when you have something on your mind. |
Yes = 0 No = 1 |
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Your partner understands that you have your own life too. |
Yes = 0 No = 1 |
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|
Your partner is well liked by your friends. |
Yes = 0 No = 1 |
||
|
Your partner says that you’re too involved in different activities. |
Yes = 1 No = 0 |
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Your partner texts or calls you all the time. |
Yes = 1 No = 0 |
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Your partner thinks you spend too much time trying to look nice. |
Yes = 1 No = 0 |
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Your partner gets extremely jealous or possessive. |
Yes = 1 No = 0 |
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Your partner constantly checks up on you or makes you check in with them. |
Yes = 1 No = 0 |
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Your partner controls what you wear or how you look. |
Yes = 1 No = 0 |
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Your partner tries to control what you do and who you see. |
Yes = 1 No = 0 |
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Your partner tries to keep you from seeing or talking to your family and friends. |
Yes = 1 No = 0 |
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Your partner has big mood swings. They get angry and yell at you one minute, but are sweet and apologetic the next. |
Yes = 1 No = 0 |
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Your partner puts you down, calls you names, or criticises you. |
Yes = 1 No = 0 |
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Your partner makes you feel like no one else would want you. |
Yes = 1 No = 0 |
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Your partner threatens to hurt you, your friends, or your family. |
Yes = 1 No = 0 |
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Your partner threatens to destroy your things. |
Yes = 0 No = 1 |
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Your partner threatens to harm themself because of you. |
Yes = 1 No = 0 |
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Your partner makes you feel nervous or like you’re ‘waking on eggshells’. |
Yes = 0 No = 1 |
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Your partner grabs, pushes, shoves, chokes, punches, slaps, holds you down, throws things, or hurts you in some way. |
Yes = 1 No = 0 |
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Your partner breaks or throws things to intimidate you. |
Yes = 1 No = 0 |
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Your partner yells, screams, or humiliates you in front of others. |
Yes = 1 No = 0 |
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|
Your partner pressures or forces you into having sex or going further than you want to. |
Yes = 1 No = 0 |
Now carefully add up your scores.
You got a score of 0? Don’t worry – it’s a good thing! It sounds like your relationship is on a pretty healthy track. Keep it up!
If you scored 1 – 2 points, you might be noticing a couple of things in your relationship that are unhealthy, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they are warning signs. It’s still a good idea to keep an eye out and make sure there isn’t an unhealthy pattern developing. The best thing to do is to talk to your partner and let them know what you like and don’t like. Encourage them to do the same. Remember, communication is always important when building a healthy relationship.
If you scored 3 – 4 points, it sounds like you may be seeing some warning signs of an abusive relationship. Don’t ignore these red flags. Something that starts small can grow much worse over time. No relationship is perfect; it takes work! But in a healthy relationship, you won’t find abusive behaviours.
If you scored 5 or more points, you are definitely seeing warning signs and may be in an abusive relationship. Remember the most important thing is your safety — consider making a safety plan. You don’t have to deal with this alone.
Help and Support
Women’s Aid: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/
Men’s Advice Line: https://mensadviceline.org.uk/
Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/, call 116123 or email jo@samaritans.org
National 24-Hour Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247