Meeting someone online, exchanging messages and flirting can all feel completely normal. But what happens when someone you thought you could trust suddenly threatens to share a private photo or video unless you do what they say?
This is known as sextortion, and knowing how to recognise it could help you protect yourself or someone you know.
What is sextortion?
Sextortion is a form of blackmail involving intimate or sexual images. Someone may threaten to share a nude or intimate photo or video of you with your friends, family, employer or followers unless you give them something they want. Often, this is money, but someone might also demand more images, videos or other things from you. Importantly, the image doesn't necessarily have to be real. Criminals may use edited, manipulated or AI-generated images as part of the threat.
How does it happen?
It doesn't always begin with something that looks suspicious. Someone might follow or add you on social media, a dating app, gaming platform or messaging service. They might seem friendly, attractive and genuinely interested in getting to know you. The conversation may then become flirtatious or sexual.
They might:
- Send an intimate image first to make you feel comfortable doing the same
- Ask you to move the conversation onto another app
- Repeatedly ask for a photo or video
- Encourage a sexual video call
- Claim they have already hacked your phone or account
- Suddenly reveal that they have saved or recorded something
- Show you screenshots of your friends or followers
- Demand money and threaten to send the image to everyone you know
The change can happen incredibly quickly.
"But I sent the picture..."
That doesn't make the blackmail your fault.
You might have willingly sent an image to somebody you trusted. You might have been pressured into sending it. You might have been tricked by someone pretending to be somebody else. None of those things give another person the right to threaten, blackmail or exploit you. Embarrassment can make people feel as though they have to deal with the situation alone. That's exactly what the person threatening you may be relying on.
You don't have to handle it by yourself.
What should you do if it happens to you?
1. Stop communicating: Don't continue negotiating with the person. Stop replying and block their accounts.
2. Don't pay them: It can be tempting to think that paying will make the problem disappear. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that someone will delete an image after receiving money. If they know you're willing to pay, they may simply demand more. If you've already paid, don't panic. Stop making further payments and seek help.
3. Keep the evidence: As much as you might want to delete everything, keep messages, usernames, account details and payment information where possible. Take screenshots of threats and make a note of the accounts being used. You can deactivate a social media account temporarily rather than permanently deleting it, which can help preserve information that may later be useful.
4. Tell somebody: This might feel like the hardest part, but it can also be the most important. Speak to someone you trust. This could be a parent, friend, tutor, safeguarding lead or another trusted adult. If you're a Showcase learner, you can also speak to your tutor or a member of the Showcase safeguarding team. You won't shock us and you don't need to feel embarrassed about asking for help.
5. Report it: Sextortion is a crime. You can report what has happened to the police by calling 101, or 999 if you are in immediate danger. If you're under 18, you can also report what has happened through CEOP.
What if an image has already been shared?
There are services that can help.
If you're under 18: Report Remove, provided by Childline and the Internet Watch Foundation, can help young people report sexual images or videos of themselves that have been shared online.
If you're 18 or over: StopNCII.org can help adults protect intimate images from being shared across participating online platforms. You should also report the image and the account directly to the social media platform involved.
Spot the red flags 🚩
Be cautious if somebody you've met online:
- Becomes sexual very quickly
- Repeatedly asks you for nude or intimate images
- Pressures you after you've said no
- Wants to move immediately onto a private messaging app
- Avoids proving who they are
- Seems to know a lot about your friends, family or followers
- Sends you a sexual image and expects one in return
- Threatens or becomes aggressive when you won't do what they ask
None of these automatically means someone is attempting sextortion, but they're good reasons to slow things down and think about what's happening.
Could you spot a sextortion attempt?
Scenario:
You've been messaging someone new for a few days. They seem genuine and you've got lots in common. One evening they start flirting and send you an intimate photo. They ask you to send one back. You say you're not sure. They reply:
"Come on, I sent you one. Don't you trust me?"
What would you do?
Remember: receiving an image from someone doesn't mean you owe them one in return. You are allowed to say no.
Remember: PAUSE, SAVE, REPORT
If someone threatens you with an intimate image:
PAUSE
Stop communicating. Don't send more images or money.
SAVE
Keep messages, usernames, screenshots and other evidence.
REPORT
Tell somebody you trust and report what has happened.
Most importantly, don't let embarrassment stop you from getting help. The person blackmailing you wants you to feel frightened and isolated. Talking to someone takes some of that power away.
Need support?
If something you've read here sounds familiar, you don't have to deal with it alone.
CEOP
Report online sexual abuse or exploitation involving someone under 18.
Childline
Free confidential support for young people. Call 0800 1111.
Report Remove
Helps under-18s report nude or sexual images of themselves that have been shared online.
StopNCII.org
Supports adults concerned about intimate images being shared without their consent.
Police
Call 101 to report a crime, or 999 if you or somebody else is in immediate danger.
Showcase Learners
You can speak to your tutor or contact the Showcase safeguarding team if you're worried about something that has happened to you or someone else.
Final Thought
Sharing something intimate with somebody you trust should never become a weapon against you.
If somebody uses fear, embarrassment or an intimate image to control what you do next, that's not flirting, and it's not a relationship problem. It's blackmail.
Speak up, save the evidence and get support.